The Sociopath

Is it possible for a sociopath to explain love to another being? I suppose it’s possible. I don’t want to believe that I’m completely devoid of feelings, and I’m not. I just lack moral responsibility and social conscience. More simply put, if I were to step on your foot, I would feel nothing, well other than the sensation of a foot under my foot. I care not a nanny what you feel. Empathy is for other people. And morals? They are a waste of time, if you ask me.

I have no idea when it started. Perhaps when I was a child, the summer my hair went from completely straight to a sort of frazzled wool look. I was eight years old. An A+ student, if that can be said of an elementary school student. I was very studious and was able to entertain myself for hours.

I wasn’t the sort of kid who would pull spiders legs out, or burn ants with a magnifying glass or anything. I kept to myself for the most part. Sometimes I wonder if the people who influenced me during those years even really existed. There was a boy John who taught me if one is bigger than everyone else, then they would get whatever, usually with some extra force, they desired. A quick wit can help you, but the brute would always beat the silver tongued. There was a girl named Gwen who I thought I had affections for. She taught me no matter how much one chases something they still might never get it, if she even existed that is.

My memories are so hazy. I don’t know if it’s a side effect of my psychoses, but I have really no memories to define me like other people. Everyone else seems to be able to readily pull to his or her forethought events and feelings that happened weeks and years ago. I don’t know if any of my memories are real anyways, they always seemed to me like they happened to other people anyhow. I always felt like I was just an observer in the room watching the events unfold. It was similar to watching a movie, you might find yourself hoping some particular set of events happen, but in the end you don’t honestly care what happens. It’s just a way to while away the long tedious hours of existing. I wonder from time to time, if everything in my head was just implanted by some bastard; playing a trick or gaming with me.

So the question now becomes, why am I sharing this with anyone? Well truth be told, I love the attention. I would say it feels good, but it’s more that it feels good to know I can trick other people into wanting to be near me, around me. I couldn’t care less what they feel, so long as I can trick them into thinking that they need to share it with me. It’s quite a delightful game.

There’s power in knowing other peoples feelings. I have been able to use information like this to my advantage many times before. Well I don’t want to give away too many of my secrets, so I’ll leave it at that.

-V-

Which Way? (Part 1)

“Gentlemen, Let me be the first to thank you for attending my little experiment,” the white haired man stated in an almost fake sounding German accent. “As some of you may already know, my name is Dr. Hantzle von Shultenheim. You may refer to me as Dr. S, if it so suits you. You were all already made aware of some of the details of this trial, and I would like to let you know that you have the next twenty minutes to decide whether or not you would like to continue. I will however state that once the trial is started, there is no way to stop it until the full cycle has passed.” He paused here with raised eyebrows. Dr. S scrutinized the fifteen candidates seated in front of him, each in turn. No one made any movements or seemed to have any questions, so ventured on.

“Due to the nature of exercise, we cannot guarantee that everyone will be completely safe. In other words, some harm may come to the participants.” With this news nearly all the members started to get out of their chairs to leave. Noticing this Dr. S quickly added, “that being said, we will be offering twice the compensation we originally quoted.” Everyone in the room froze and pondered the new information.

“Just how much ‘harm’ can come to us doc?” One of the more burly candidates asked carefully looking at Dr. S.

“Well you know, accidents happen. Anything really, we can’t guarantee any safety at all, to be profoundly clear.” With this information, eight of the men stood up and started for the door, leaving the strongest looking seven behind. “I would like to add,” he hastily said, “that any successful participants will be receiving a bonus equal to four times the new payout.”

This new information stopped three more before they got out the door. With careful consideration on their faces they came back and sat down.

“Excellent. We will get started in just a moment. First we must secure the building, but before we do that, I must ask that no one refer to anyone else here by his real name. If such an infraction happens, you will be penalized, at the very least by not receiving any compensation. I’m afraid I’ll have to be very stern on this one as it’s an integral part of the trial. Under your seat you will find an envelope, inside you will find a name, which shall be your name for the rest of the trial. Memorize it! It is terribly important. Feel free to converse and take part in the refreshments,” he said gesturing towards a table in the corner overflowing with food and drink, “I’ll be back shortly to get things underway.”

The men pulled out the cards underneath their chairs and found the names they would be using for the rest of their time here: Dagger, Bilbo, Dao, Pulwar, Talwar, Krabi, Falx, Aruval, Arit, and finally Patu. All of them were confused by the names, but started introducing themselves to the others being sure to use their new monikers. One thing was clear to all of them; things were probably going to get real interesting very soon.

-V-