The Cat Man

Thump, thump, thump. A knocking erupted from the front door throughout the house. An old lady in her seventies waddled down the steps to her foyer and peeked through the peephole in the door. Through the viewing device she could only make out a large grin with stubble all around it. Oh no, she thought to herself, what could this man possibly want? She checked herself in the full-length mirror by the door it’s not proper to look shabby when greeting people she felt. Then she undid the main lock and opened the door.

A burst of breeze and sunlight bounced around the room. One might have felt a light happy musical tune off in the distance saunter in with the air and light and take a seat by the entry table. The tune whimsically observed the old lady and the man on the other side of the portal. He wore a loosely fitted brown plaid wool suit with a dirty well-worn fedora on his head. He had a touch of stubble on his face, as if it had been a day or two since his last shave. His eyes radiated a serine blue, which felt calming. He had a dark grey satchel draped over his shoulder.

“Hello there and what a lovely day it is. The sun is shining. The breeze is blowing. The clouds are playing in the sky. My name is Gerrod Fantingue,” his words came out in rapid-fire succession. The old lady was finding it hard to keep up; he seemed to notice this and slowed down just enough that she was still barely gripping on. “You’re probably wondering what I’m doing on your doorstep today? I bet, you’re thinking to yourself, what could this somewhat shabby, yet debonair man be wanting with me. Well there are so many reasons I could be here, it’s near unfathomable. But the real reason is I’m here to sell you a used cat or two! It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss?”

She stood there, mouth agape. Mr. Fantigue looked around the foyer, and then decided it might be better to inspect his fingernails. After a length of time she finally seemed to catch up to the current point in the conversation.

“Ruth,” she said cautiously, “Did I hear you correctly? A used cat?”

“Ah Ruth, a truly wonderful name. I once had a grandmother named Ruth. Can’t go wrong with a name like that. And yes you did. As I was passing by, I noticed a distinct lack of creatures of the feline persuasion about your property and figured that we ought to rectify this toot sweet.”

Ruth wasn’t sure how to respond to this. The only thing that came to mind was that this man wanted something more than what he was letting on to. She decided caution would be the best policy. “Um. I don’t need any cats. As you can see, I’m old and fragile, I wouldn’t be able to take care of them.”

“Ruth, Ruth, Ruth. Do I look like I would be so insensitive? No, no, no. Like I said these are used cats, they can take care of themselves. I think I know the perfect one for you in fact.” He turned his back on her took off his satchel and started digging around in it. “Now, I know he was in here somewhere, I just saw him the other day… Oh where are you. Fred? Fred! There you are.” He turned back around and in the palm of his hand sat a very old looking miniature cat.

“I wouldn’t know what to do with that.” Ruth said to the man.

“Course you wouldn’t! You’ve probably never received a used cat before. It’s simple, just put him in the sink and run water over him, in no time he will be up to the right size. He knows how big he’s supposed to be.” The cat looked up at Ruth and smiled. “And look he already likes you.”

“I don’t think I can afford a fancy cat like that.”

“Afford? Afford! No Ruth, there’s no charge for used cats. They’re used. Already been paid for once. No need to pay again. This guy, Fred, be sure to get his name right, they get ever so testy if you don’t, is yours.” He handed the cat over to her. Before she had time to say anything back he was already walking away from her house.

“Wait!” She called after him. “I can’t take this cat!”

He just smiled and waved over his shoulder. The tune got up off the chair by the entrance and laughed heartily and spun out into the sunny day. Ruth took the cat into the house and closed the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and put Fred into the sink.

“Well now Fred, lets see if we can’t get you up to size.” She said as she turned on the faucet.

-V-