After the Show

After thanking the audience a final time for their show of appreciation. We exit the stage with our gear and do our regular self-deprecation session that the common show-goers never see. Each of us replays the entire show back in our own head, we pick apart each and every note we played, and we question our every action. Did it work? Was I late on the last refrain? Why was there lackluster applause after that song? The best we can hope for is genuine love of our craft. But as artists we can never be completely satisfied with it. I felt if I ever had the feeling of completeness with my music it would be time to move onto something else. That little bit of longing and missing piece is what I strive for, knowing in the back of my head it is not possible to reach. A labor of love if you will.

After a while all these shows start running into each other. Some have highlights that stick out in your mind, but for the most part they all seem to be one long journey. You start questioning if you are even getting better at playing music, writing new songs, being able to convey feeling across the gap that is created by the floor monitors in front of you. The notes and chords all seem to be the same patterns over and over again. Is it really anything new?

I polish my bass guitar with the rag a good friend gave to me once after a particularly good show. The sweat and dust around the frets always bothers me. I find it best to focus on small things one has control over or else you will easily become overwhelmed with the massiveness of what cannot be controlled. After I get my guitar cleaned up and put away in its hard case I walk out into the front of house and look around. It’s my time to feed on the audience directly. I’m not going to lie; it feels good to have people congratulate you, even if you know they are lying. But all too often what one expected and what one gets differ greatly. The adoration and applause received on stage is melted and you become a no name face again. I can’t describe it fully. Not that anyone owes me anything, I mean they probably already paid their tax to be here and they applauded after each song, why should they have to keep on praising what I just did.

Dejected I sidle up to the bar and order a beer. At least that will never fail me after a performance. Usually cold and always accepting, I’m sure I have a friend at the bottom of the bottle if I look hard enough, I’ll find them. And hey, if I don’t find them, I usually don’t care too much after searching a while. The next day can suck, but with a little more searching even that can be rectified.

-V-