Reasons

Back arched, arms behind me, seated on the Victorian reproduction settee I await the photographer’s next instruction. It has been a trying shoot to say the least. Twice now I have had to fend off his requests to remove parts of my clothes. He’s tried plying me with various alcoholic drinks and the usual set of maneuvers and language they all use. But I know every trick in the bag and have yet to see one yet that has worked on me.

“Could you tilt your head down and to the left,” he says soothingly, too close to my ear.

“Like this?” I ask as I adjust my pose.

“Yes, just like that. Hold it a moment.” He seems to like this pose a lot as I can hear the shutter clicking away and the lights flash a strobe like cadence into my retinas. “It’s wonderful, but I wish we could get you to look a little more comfortable. Is it a bit hot in here, under the lights? Do you mind if I unbutton my shirt a little?”

I’ve played this game many times. I’m almost sure he has adjusted the thermostat to bring up the heat and purposefully pointed the floodlights on me to make me sweat. I’m a pro too, I think to myself, the extra antiperspirant should hold to the end of the shoot and all I really need to do is think of nice cool places like the arctic. The amazing power the mind can have over the body.

“No. I don’t mind, but you do know I have to be going in a few minutes. I have to get across town for another shoot.” It’s my usual line I give when I get to the point where I figure the photographer is just trying to get into my pants and I might get one or two usable snaps out of it.

“Oh that’s sad, yeah. I think I have enough to work with here.” He says playing a wounded animal. “I wish I could get you back soon to try some new ideas I have, when would you be available?”

“I’ll check my calendar and get back to you,” I say, as I really have no intention of ever seeing this guy in person again. I’ll get him to send me the edited photos through the net. I collect my things and quickly exit his studio. The cover story of another shoot was just to get out without too much cajoling on my part.

People ask me why I do this? And by this, I mean stand on the other side of the camera for all to see. It could be that I’m good at being a model. It could be that I’m deathly afraid of getting older, losing my looks. It could be that I just enjoy seeing myself, in magazines, on billboards, being recognized. But the truth is only for me, I have my reasons, and that’s all you need to know.

-V-